I don't know why I feel like it's okay to skip so many months of blogging..I guess because nothing new and exciting never pops up... until now :)
A week or two ago, Luke and I hit an extremely rocky point. If you've ever been in a relationship with a real, living human being, I'm sure you can agree that it's not all sunflowers and rock hard abs. Except, this rocky point was seeming to stretch, for days and days. It was hard and sad and unbelievable that it had the timing that it did. My mom came to sleepover one night, Sarah Garrison kept me company the next night and Sunday morning Heather called to talk about Jesus. I was surrounded by strength and wisdom.
Heather is the daughter, mom, wife and mentor that I hope to be someday. She speaks so much truth into my life and is spiritually strengthening. Heather is always making sure my Jesus relationship is growing daily and I couldn't be more thankful for her. This is Heather, isn't she SO GOOD LOOKING?! even with cheese...man!
So we talk and she goes onto explain spiritual warfare in the most personal way I have ever witnessed it. Throughout cancer, Luke and I have gotten to show Jesus to a lot of people... His grace, love, plans and compassion. Since we've stopped treatments, Luke's led a couple nights of worship and I've been reunited with all my adopted daughters at Harborside to help with some small groups. Of course there's a spiritual battle going on to break us. Satan has tried to physically and emotionally break us throughout our cancer. Now he's aiming to spiritually break us. ...I don't think so, mister.
It was at that point that I was finally able to get my mindset out of the crazy, emotional one and into the strong spiritual one. It was also at that point that I started repeating "satan you will not win us. satan you will not win us." Out loud and in my thoughts. It was at that point that Luke called and said he was coming over to follow through with plans we made.
And it was at that point that Satan got it... our relationship belongs to Jesus and HE holds the victory. Never have I ever seen a verse hit me at the angle that this has...
James 4:7 " Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you"
We arrive to our planned destination and the second our feet hit the Fall Out Boy concert grounds, the blessings begin to POUR. The feeling of winning that battle with God was something I've only felt a few times and it was incredible. Instantly we walk in to find Dirty..Jon Miller..who takes us downstairs to meet the band. Pete Wentz remembers me (and RyAnn who gave us the best night ever) from a Halloween picture taken in middle school that my dad had him sign. Then I tell them I'm almost cancer free and FALLOUT BOY CLAPPED FOR ME. as a group. they applauded me. I thought I died... Then we get asked to step off to the side and a security guard leads us to backstage. Even more backstage. Dressing room status. It's Luke, me, security guard and Pete Wentz. Wait,...what did I just type?...Pete wentz. Us. Thats all. Pete gets us side stage seats and leaves the room..then the security guard tells us how to exit and leaves. We're in the dressing rooms... Eventually we leave, get to our seats and watch the best show ever. (besides Katy Perry--who a 101.5 dude said he could get my lip syncing video to) Then! Applebees after and peace ever since between us beautiful people. Praise God!
**PS. Pete Wentz said he loved my shoe color... so there's that.
A few more days pass and my mom asks me to go to this cancer seminar. I walk into this room to see all this crazy Maximized Living workers everywhere. I went to check out this Maximized Living thing as a holistic approach to healing when I was first diagnosed and blew it off. Now it's back...right in my face. I sit and listen to the seminar and I'm hooked. I don't know how much more obvious God could've been. My Bible study that morning was on the power of God's creation, specifically the gardens and the greens he grew. Then I'm hearing that these are things that can heal me? Well, I'm in.
Few more days later, Alaina texts me with a verse of the day.
Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to the glory in Christ."
Finally after the longest day ever of wrong scans, broken computers and new employees who know nothing, I get my results back that my tumor is still in my chest. JAMES 4:7 ALL OVER AGAIN......and its then that I have to choose 6 more weeks of chemo, 3+ weeks of radiation everyday or do nothing.
I chose nothing.
It's through prayer, Bible, holistic and granola cruncher ways that we're going to beat this thing. Man made chemicals and radiating pumps into my body? no! I'm done hurting. I'm done weakening myself. I have a powerful God and I'm relying on powerless things. No more.
I want to walk in heels again. I want to walk up my stairs. I want to go a day without a hot flash or crazed hormones.
I'm claiming healing and healing has claimed me,
in Jesus' name.