I'm having a super hard time typing right now because I can't stop smiling! My heart is SO completely overjoyed that I can't do anything but smile. The Holy Spirit is alive, this place is full of so much peace and joy! On a typical blog post in Deep See, there's about 100 views.
//On the past post, 1438\\ One thousand fourteen hundred and thirty eight people have read about the joy and the peace of Christ!! I am in COMPLETE awe. And the number is still climbing!! Let's keep spreading!
Our God is ever faithful! From this darkness, you will lead us, forever we will say You're the Lord of all!
So all of this week, the Lord has reminded me He's going to these appointments with me. He's going to be there for me when I hurt, when I fear, when I doubt. He's there. And He's been using people to help remind me...
This week, I realized how much God has been preparing me for this cancer season. Senior year, my best friend and I struggled together with depression. She used to tell me that she would never wish or hope for her struggle to go away because she knew God would use it. The Lord used her to bring out a Godly mindset in me in the midst of struggles. Thankful for the lessons He taught me through Allie Leja! It's because of her that I look into the eyes of cancer and say "let's fight".
I've had this best friend, Meagan, since middle school. She's beautiful. So a biopsy goes by, and another one is scheduled. This one made me nervous for some reason, I laid in that hospital bed and poured my heart out to God, telling Him that I was starting to get nervous and anxious about this. In walks my nurse, she says "Hey, I'll be your nurse today. My name's Meagan". We serve a God of COMFORT. It puts me in shock that such a big God, watching over the whole world can care about even my tiniest life details. He knows my heart. He knows my life. He knows my deepest needs, even something little like finding comfort in the name Meagan!
Next day, another appointment. This was the last appointment of the week...appointment number 6. So much had been thrown my way this week and the doctor just seemed to be piling more on. I left that office feeling overwhelmed trying to hold my tears back. I walk in my front door and there's a card that had been slipped under it. It said,
"...I want to offer a gentle reminder of just how much strength
you have inside...I've seen it and so has everyone who knows
you. I hope you can feel God's presence and power in a
personal way right now..."
Then Drew Cordello writes, "I pray that God gives you strength to keep fighting hard, everyday...so keep your head up..." and ends it with 1 Peter 1:21
...EXACTLY WHAT MY SPIRIT NEEDED. God is here! God is SO here! And He's using people to remind me of that! We can't live mediocre lives, we have a crazy amazing God to control our mindset and our actions and our thoughts. He brings our hearts to life! Not this world or the things in it. And definitely not the people...
Days and MULTIPLE blessings pass, including an anonymous offer to pay the next month of rent. Wow. The Lord gives me my dad for a week to teach me how to cook. What a servants heart. He was God's reminder to serve...no matter what my struggle is, I'm still a follower of Christ, called to love and serve everywhere I go!
And for today....this one is what really gets me too excited, Jonas Bros level EXCITED ;)
We met doctor #6 this morning, who gave me more news and more frustration. It seems that every doctor we go to adds on to my problems.. 'oh you have fluid in your lungs. oh, your cancers in your mouth. oh, you're going to need your tonsils removed'. SO much frustration...so I'm annoyed. He ruined my day and I stayed frustrated. Immediately following that appointment, I angrily called Moffitt to get an appointment. I wanted to get away from these dumb, frustrating doctors! But Moffitt couldn't get me in and I was pissed. Obviously me & my plans came first today. So had to settle for an appointment to meet with my current oncologist to go over everything doctor #6 said... 4:15 rolls around, doctor takes us back and she says "we didn't get any alive tissue from the biopsy so we still don't know what stage of cancer."
are you kidding me.
So, trusting in myself and my knowledge, I have to admit to you that I started getting a little snippy...
Anyway!! ...the appointment passes and my doctor closes with this, "Madison, this case is too much/big for our pathologists to handle. We're sending you to Moffit. I'm going to get you an appointment as soon as possible and pass all your records over" .....what.
TRUST IN THE LORD. not in flesh, TRUST IN THE SPIRIT.
God is training my mind to be constantly on the lookout for where He's working. I can't wait to be cancer free and go about a regular day and look for Him!! He's alive in every situation and He's there to comfort and love and bring peace to every faithful person who calls out to Him. It's a simple, "Jesus, I'm worried" and He is faithful. Why is He so faithful to us when we're hardly faithful to Him!? What an
My prayer is that God reaches MORE people with this cancer than ever before. That He uses the Holy Spirit inside of me, to show Him off and bring realness to His name. Religion has made Him SO boring and SO dictator-ish. And He's not!
There's a story in the Bible where Jesus turns water to wine and in the next chapter, He shuts down the lukewarm, religious worshipers. Check out John 2.
HE KEEPS THE PARTY GOING,
& SHUTS DOWN THE RELIGION!
There is so much excitement and joy behind truly knowing Christ. He has brought a revival to this soul :)
Update! Going to moffit ASAP. Cancer is in my chest! Chemo should start in 2 weeks, hopefully. And I'll be 20-30% infertile after it...so if you think you're the lucky sucker God picked out to marry me, hope you don't mind some hard work...
GOD IS GOOD!!!!!
Prayer request: grandpa! I need him out and walking and talking like normal again! The man wants out of rehab and God is a God of miracles!!!! Most importantly: all the support, love and prayers that have been FLOODING in have been the biggest blessing of all. This Family has truly come together and I am absolutely beside myself. If I could begin to name and list every message or person that reached out, you'd fall asleep on the computer. SO THANKFUL! Even the people that I've never met that reached out...life changing.